Aloha everyone. I’ve had people Tweet me and they seemed so concerned because I’d left the programme. Since 102 people were “following” my blog posts, I thought I would write an extra blog this week – to hopefully put your minds at rest re my “overwhelm” and my decision to step out of the programme. Leaving you, my blog buddies, was the most difficult part of stepping out of the programme, because you felt like a “family of choice” for me. That was a huge thing for me, as “family” had always been a stressful word for me. So, I trust that the following will give you some re-assurance…
Since my work – actually my “life’s work” – is brain-body-sensory-motor integration, I do have a consultant/instructor’s understanding of my “overwhelm.” Putting that understanding together with the fact that my business must now support the household, and having had a trauma occur over Christmas, and noticing that my own brain integraton was not where it was before the trauma, it really was necessary for me to step away from being “active” in the MKMMA programme at a less than optimal level.
I recognized that it was important for me to do some of my own brain-body-sensory-motor integration work on myself, to overcome the effects of the trauma, and so to begin creating ways for my business to flourish NOW.
I’m still “doing” MKMMA – I’m still using the tools I have from MKMMA – from outside the programme for now. I’m simply doing the work slower and more thoroughly for my brain/nervous system, and more meaningfully and “honestly” for my self-esteem. I am a very conscientious person, though less of a perfectionist as a result of MKMMA, and I took Mark’s words to heart about it being more honourable to step away now rather than to continue on while giving less that 100% to the programme.
Mark is very wise. I’m now doing my brain integration work for myself and with the assistance of my hubby, on a daily basis. I’m working with my DMP to create work, locally, with First Nations people traumatized by the Residential School system, and creating a second DMP for my client work via Skype and webinars.
There was much trauma in the first 30 years of my, now 65 year old, life – so if I feel a need to sit with certain components or chapters of the MKMMA programme, in order to get the good of its teachings, then that is what I am now allowing myself to do. My school years, even as a B average student, were characterized by terror as the school system did not teach in a way that honoured, served or even recognized my learning style. No one knew how terrified I was. I hid it well. So, for me, this stepping away from the “structure” of MKMMA is to actually allow myself the time to really DO the MKMMA work at a pace that HONOURS MY LEARNING STYLE and so to actually be able to REAP the BENEFITS of the MKMMA work. My old blueprint would have carried on blindly, feeling buffeted about by life, the programme, and my confusion. That had to stop if I truly was to get the good of this programme. I can always re-apply in September, with the habits of the cards, the poster, the compass, the sits already ingrained as part of my life. I’ve been the Hare all my life. I’m now allowing my Turtle self to emerge and enjoy the journey…in True Health and Inner Calm.
My heart is still with you all – supporting you all – and I’m able to take the time to hold each and everyone of you in my heart as I read your blog posts. Mahalo for all I have learned, and will continue to learn, from each of you…my blog buddies and Lorelei my wondrous, luminous MKMMA guide.
Yours in Gratitude, Light & Love, Peace & Joy Always – All Ways – wendyht
Wendy Humphreys Tebbutt